Briefcase on the Kitchen Table

An interesting thing happens when you get married; you not only get a husband or a wife, in most cases you also get in-laws. We have all heard the horror stories from people; the new wife who can’t stand her mother-in-law or the new husband who will never be accepted as good enough by his new father-in-law. There is no question that these new and never before experienced relationships can pose their own interesting and sometimes challenging situations. I have found this to be especially true around the holidays when trying to decide how to split your time. From my (again) limited experience as a wife, I think the key to the in-law relationship is to try not to make it into anything other than what it is and to be open and honest. I think many people get caught up in trying to make their in-law relationship into something they already recognize such as a best friend or another set of parents. Why? Would you ever try to have the same relationship with your grandmother that you have with your childhood best friend? No. And why? Because it is its own special relationship. I have a wonderful relationship with my in-laws and I truly believe it is because I have not tried to fit it into any mold I already have; my mother-in-law is not my mother nor is she my best college friend and that is a good thing. It is its own special relationship and it should be. How dull would our live’s be if we tried to make all of our relationships the same? You will never hear me call my mother-in-law “Mom” not because she isn’t nurturing or wonderfully special to me but because she is “Erin” and that is wonderful all by itself. I have always loved the movie Meet the Fockers not just because it is hilarious but because it sends a great message; Greg and Jack are only able to really have a relationship when Greg stops trying to treat Jack as his father or his buddy and starts cultivating a brand new relationship based on laughter, honesty, and a mutual respect for each other centered around the fact that they both love Pam so much. Moral of the story? Unless you are a masochist and like the prospect of experiencing the first hour and forty five minutes of horrors Greg weathers trying to be anything other than what he actually is, be honest, approach it all with laughter, and get to know the people who have spent their lives nurturing the person you love so much.