Briefcase on the Kitchen Table

I was talking to my sister recently and she was recalling a bridal shower where she witnessed, as she put it, the “sizing up” that adult woman seem to do of each other. We have all seen it; the “raised eyebrow” moments where one woman clearly disapproves of the other. The questions that are asked less out of genuine interest and more out of prying judgment. (I am sad to say I have been guilty of this myself on a rare occasion). For instance, if two people live together you might hear someone with a very traditional view ask “Oh, are you married?”  Or when someone who believes fiercely in financial independence asks “So how on earth did you afford the down-payment for this house by yourself” while clearly judging the assistance the homeowner may have gotten from her family. Some of these battles go on quite publicly; the most infamous probably being the working mother versus the stay-at-home mother. But there are smaller versions that play out every day. Especially in our twenties, when so many things are changing and so many life decisions are being made. Everyone has opinions about the “right” decision; going to school versus working, getting married “too young” or “too soon”, having children now or waiting until later, saving versus spending, and on and on it goes.

We need to cut each other some slack. As my mother always said when my sister and I would be trying to out-do one another, it isn’t a competition. And that’s what it really all comes down to, right? Competition? Making the “right” or “best” choice? But why? Why does Sally’s choice to be a homemaker have any effect on your happiness? I have always felt that other women should be a soft place to lay your fears, doubts, and questions, not a group that you feel you need a suit of armor to be around. Woman have enough pressures in the world making them feel less-than-adequate, why are we adding one another to that list? So the next time you are at a bridal shower or a baby shower or any other kind of get together and you feel that I-am-going-to-make-a-point-here question welling up inside of you, bite your tongue. Hard. Because at the end of the day, you know it isn’t fun to be the recipient of that kind of judgment, so don’t be the one to hand it out. Let’s cut each other a break, okay?