Briefcase on the Kitchen Table

I am married to an astrophysicist. With this comes some non-traditional quirks including knowing much more about space than I would have otherwise known, watching physicists debate each other at social functions using vocabulary I cannot even begin to recognize, and saying goodbye to Avery a few times a year so he can go work at a telescope array in the-middle-of-nowhere Arizona. He is usually gone for about two weeks. I always miss him but it is a part of his job and it is fun to see him living his dream.

Working at the telescope array means Avery stays up all night (because that’s when the stars are out). Most of my friends whose significant others travel for work end their day by talking to their special someone before bed. When Avery is out in Arizona however our schedules are very much inverted. When I am waking up for work Avery is shutting down the telescopes for the night and driving up the mountain to the observation dorms for sleep. When I am eating dinner Avery is waking up and eating “breakfast”. After about 6:00 p.m. Avery is no longer available to talk because he is already back at the observatory warming up the telescopes for the evening.

Because the times don’t line up we have come up with all sorts of ways to stay connected while Ave is away: a short, five minute Facetime call while Ave gets ready for bed and I eat breakfast, intermittent texts, another short Facetime call while I eat dinner and he eats breakfast, and send-ahead notes for each other to read. Three years into our marriage I still very much enjoy talking and hanging out with my husband and we spend most of our evenings together. I miss this time with him while he gone but it really is fun during our short conversations to see him, usually with a beard (because what’s the point of shaving when you are working in the middle of nowhere with three other men in the dead of night), so excited about what he is doing. Even though I miss him it is always at the forefront of my mind while he is gone that he is living his dream and “having it all”. Ave has always wanted a great, hands-on science career and a great family. I think people our age are told often that they will have to choose to either live the dream of having a great spouse and family life or a great career. I disagree; with travel and communication so easy I don’t think you have to choose. Not to say it doesn’t take hard work (both the job and the marriage) but, so long as you are willing to put in the time and effort, you really can have it all- even if in order to do it you occasionally have to talk to your wife via facetime for five minutes while you eat your oatmeal for breakfast and she eats her pasta for dinner.