Briefcase on the Kitchen Table

So during Avery and my premarital counseling sessions at my church many topics were discussed related to how our marriage was going to work and function. One of the topics discussed was money; how were we going to manage it and how were we going to stay accountable to one another; would one of us be the main money person or was it going to be a two person operation? Avery and I had already had the money conversation so we felt prepared for the question. Since getting married, our system has worked very well for us and, surprisingly, one of the marriage-related questions I receive most often has to do with how we manage our funds. With that said, I decided to post about it on here.

First off, it should be noted that I don’t think this system would necessarily work for every type of family at every stage of life; it is just what works for us right now. It is not a secret that Avery is the main breadwinner in our family. I have yet to find a law school that actually pays you to attend so Avery and I both live off of his graduate stipend along with a little money he makes on the side tutoring and a little I make on the side doing online work for Snuggy Baby (an amazing little company out of Ft. Wayne). Avery gets paid once a month by direct deposit. So here is how it works.

Avery’s direct deposit gets paid into our joint bank account. This is where all of the “needs” are paid out of; rent, utilities, food, health insurance, car insurance, clothes, the occasional date night (which Avery and I both agree are “necessary”). A few days after the check is deposited, a certain amount goes into savings automatically, and a certain amount is automatically transferred to each of our personal accounts. The personal account is just for the individual; impulse Starbucks runs, got-to-have-it purse, dinner out with a girlfriend, gifts for the spouse, etc. Also, Avery cannot see my personal account and I cannot see his. We knew from the beginning that, while we do not have a great amount of disposable income, it is important that he and I each have a little to do whatever we want with. For instance, if Avery saves up his personal account money for a few months and buys a gaming system, that is totally up to him. We also each have a credit card that we use to purchase anything from textbooks to jeans and, depending on the purchase, they can be paid from the personal account or joint account. The trick to the system is being honest; if I started buying Starbucks for myself out of the joint account, I doubt Avery would notice. However, that is not the purpose of the account. Lastly, at the end of the month, all of the extra money in the joint account gets rolled over to savings (so we are not tempted to spend it) and the next check is deposited. Whatever is in your personal account stays yours until you spend it.

Both Avery and I have heard many times that the number one subject of fights for married couples is money. So far the key to our success in having this not be true has been honesty and communication. Neither one of us makes big purchases for “us” without both of us agreeing to it. We also have made it a point to live well within our means so that when things come up (car troubles, doctor bills, etc) there is enough of a cushion to take the blow so that we don’t take it out on one another. We communicate about money constantly (denial and avoidance don’t work well here) and we never create our own “fiscal cliff” by spending right up to the edge of our bank balance.

I hope you can find a system that works well for you. I am sure ours will be tweaked and edited as income is added, student loans begin to be paid, and (some day) children are added to the equation. For right now though, this is what works for us.

Any recommendations/stories for other The Married Lady readers for what you have found that works for you?